i went back to work on July 5th after three amazing months home with my daughter. being with her full time was a struggle as i was healing and learning how to parent but it was also amazing in terms of the quality time we got to spend together and the love we gave each other 24hrs a day. being home with her was also amazing because the area in which we live in is so supportive of new parents and so helpful to needs that come up. i took baby & me yoga classes...i went to weekly support groups for new mamas/parents...i went to weekly breastfeeding support groups...and most importantly, i had other mama friends that i could lunch with and just talk to about what was going on in our new lives as parents.
going back to work was one of the most difficult things that i had to do. going back to work meant leaving my daughter every morning. luckily, i have a partner that stays home. i count my blessings every day for that. but i still have to leave my daughter every morning when i truly feel that we honestly still need to be together at this age. going back to work also meant pumping in a hot/stifling closet 3-4 times a day and my stress levels going way way way off the charts. but the thing that has really killed me about going back to work is virtually losing all support and resources that i had as a stay-at-home mama. the area in which i live in is very privileged and has a lot of stay-at-home mamas. this is a beautiful thing. and it's a beautiful thing that the area supports these new mamas and parents so completely. but there is a complete lack of support and resources for mamas that work a 9-5 job. i have contacted the local YMCA, local gyms, and local baby places/spaces. not a single one offers an exercise class for new parents and their babes on the evening or the weekends. on top of that, i lost all support in terms of new parent groups, breastfeeding groups, and personal support. there are certainly weekend classes for new fathers. but it is presumed that new mamas won't be working.
i recently had a really horrible time pumping enough milk to feed the babe during the workday. luckily, after much Googling, i found a local Le Leche advocate that was able to assist me via email during the day. that was amazing. and i thank that person and LLL for that to no end. but i still take very serious issue that working mamas fall off the map. going back to work is very difficult for us new mamas. what is more difficult is having zero support once we do transition into leaving our babes every day at a way too early age.
okay okay. i should stop complaining and create something myself, right? maybe i'll do just that. in fact, i am working on creating an evening dance class for babes and new parents as i type this. but i need to get my frustrations out, hence this blog.
hmpf. thanks for letting me type this rant.
on a side note, Harlow is doing just lovely.
Hey Sue! Cat just shared your blog with me and even though I know we probably have different experiences in some ways (with me being the non-bio/gest parent) I also can soooo relate to your feelings of isolation as a working mama and lack of support and resources around this. As you know, I started the queer non-bio parents group with a friend and I have found that, like you expressed, most (not all) people in the group aren't working or are working part-time. Although I think this is wonderful (I truly do, in fact, admittedly, I'm jealous!), we don't have the financial or other resources to do that in our family and I desperately long to connect with other queer working moms. I also have found that when I've been in various parents groups in the area and have asked about how people manage holding it all together with working, parenting, getting food on the table, etc., I have been surprised to often be met with responses about hiring help which is completely not an option for us. Even though we're a lower middle class family, which I realize in and of itself means we have a lot of class privilege, I'm finding myself in these groups where I seem to be amongst many that have much more privilege than that. So here here to starting that group! I think it's so important!
ReplyDeleteKindermusik classes on Saturday mornings you could do?! And the Y offers infant swim classes on Sundays (at least in my area). Those may be fun weekend activities. Check these sites too: http://amherst.macaronikid.com/
ReplyDeleteand http://westernmassmama.blogspot.com/ and http://www.cradlefamily.com/calendar/2010-09
I feel your pain too. I'd love to do library activities and everything that's offered during the day time. I do get jealous, but it's so cool to see what Sadie's learning without me. I drew a star the other day and she yelled out "STAR!". I didn't know she knew that. It's like she has her own little world and surprises me with her brilliance!
Even though at the moment I'm not a working mama, I hope to be in the near future. As much as we need a second income and I want to go to work, I will miss the time that Oliver and I have to connect with other mom's in the area. I agree with Charlotte, working class/lower middle class folks are in a tight position. I think a working parents group on evening/weekends is a great idea - we could talk about it more and see if we can get one started.
ReplyDeleteCharlotte - thanks so much for writing. i think your experience is just as valid and i would love to involve you in moving forward. isolation is exactly what it feels like. i am insanely jealous of the mamas/papas that don't have to work or get to work PT. it's a wild time/area that we live in. i feel like the feminist movement got women back to work (even if not at the same rate) but we didn't address what happens once we're back to work.
ReplyDeleteErika - thanks for the info. i watch macaroni kid for events for sure. and i am a Cradle fanatic. we are starting swim lessons this winter but i have to wait until she is 6mo. i am super lucky to have a partner that works opposite hours as me so that one of us is almost always with the babe. but it's also kind of sucky because we don't get to do family events together all of that often.