as many of you know, i had my heart set on a natural labor. we took 8,000 classes, we weren't scared, and we were ready for what would come our way. even though Nina told me (from experience) that i could plan as much as i wanted but things tend to take their own route - i was still convinced that i would have a beautiful natural birth...floating in the massive tub at the birthing center. while i did get to float in the tub eventually, it happened more like this...
my water broke first. i woke up at 6:45am and imedietely rolled out of bed onto the puppy pad that i had put beside the bed the night before. i screamed for Gen but she couldn't hear me, so i stomped on the floor for a while. she came up and fashioned me a diaper out of a puppy pad so that i could walk around for a while. it was pretty funny. the plan was to labor at home for as long as possible. our doula, Michelle, came over to assist. sadly, my waters turned green with marconium...so we had to head to the birthing center. we got to the birthing center around 10am on Thursday. i had a light labor all day Thursday. luckily we had amazing midwives and our doula there to support us. they suggested pitocin every day but still let us do whatever we thought was needed. we brought in a woman to do accupuncture, had an amazing Mayan womb massage, tried cervadil, and also early pumping. i stayed in "light labor" all day Friday as well. two days of trying anything possible to really get the labor going. finally on Saturday morning, after little sleep for two days, i conceeded to the pitocin. now that i look back on it, i am 98% sure that i would not do the pitocin again as it strengthened the labor but didn't help the dialation at all. but everyone was scared that i was leaking marconium water and worried for the health of the baby because of it. i was on constant monitoring. Saturday + pitocin = 12hrs of long and hard labor. by 9pm on Saturday i was spent. they checked me and i had only dialated 3cms and i still wasn't even fully effaced.
all that work, 65hrs total, lead to a midnight c-section. one of the nurses mentioned that her cord was wrapped tightly aoround her body and was "possibly" keeping her from assending down and opening my cervix. so that "might" be a reason for all of this but we will never really know. it was all much more traumatic that it sounds and i still have a lot of emotions surrounding it. but the baby came at 12:06am weighing 7lbs and 5.7ounces. she had a full head of hair and her stubborn lower lip was hanging just like mine does.
it was an intense experience. Gen was the most amazing support that anyone could have ever asked for. we also Michelle there, which was amazing. she was so powerful and helped us get through some very difficult times. also - Kate, Linder, Heather, Tin, and my amazing family where all there for the entire 65hrs. intense for them but amazing to know they were there.
we named her a few days later...Harlow Vienn Locke.
I really don't know what to say. Everyone's birth story is different but yours is one of the craziest I have heard. Having gone through labor, I couldn't imagine doing what you did. Good job for sticking with what you wanted and not letting anyone sway you. Question...knowing what you know now, would you have opted for a c-section earlier?
ReplyDeleteSue, you did so amazing. I can't imagine how intense this experience was for you. I know that you need to heal both physically and emotionally but just know that you did what was right for you and Harlow.
ReplyDeleteif i knew that it would end in c section, i certainly would have gone for it right away. but not knowing that made me want to try try try anything to get the baby out the way i/we wanted. the crazy part - i was just talking with our doula about this earlier this week - but the crazy part is that i totally want to try the whole labor thing again. i feel like it was a fluke that she wouldn't come out and i totally want another go at it. so while it totally terrifies me, if i were to have another baby, i am 95% sure that i would try to go natural again instead of going right to the c section. i know that sounds nuts after 65hrs. but even though it was traumatic, it was also very beautiful. crazy, yes. but that is where i am at right now
ReplyDeletethank you for the kind words. it's still really hard because my brain keeps trying to figure out where we "went wrong" but i also know that there is no such thing.
Hi Sue,
ReplyDeleteDawne has a different but similarly hard, hard labor & birth experience... trying to make it happen naturally, only to end in a crash C.. we both felt like we had PTSD for weeks and HATED anyone who use the phrase "birth is hard but so worth it". Of course we loved Asa Bex from the moment he was yanked out screaming, but the trauma was so heavy from the birth, it took us quite a while to even think about it without crying. 8 Weeks later, we don't cry so much but when anyone asks... we say it was the worst experience and the only good thing about it was the incredible women who helped us and the fucking awesome baby that we got. So it does get better.
Sending you much love and healing...
Searah